So today a bunch of stuff happened, and when I say "bunch of stuff" I mean I had to call my dumb school to pay for crap. So, I was waiting on hold and then after being transferred to a bunch of departments for THREE AND A HALF HOURS and one of the people I had the pleasure of speaking with sounded exactly Porky the Pig, so I had a hard time concentrating on what he was actually trying to say. I wanted to ask him if he liked bacon. Anyway, while I was waiting, some crazy guy holds up the Discovery Channel building place. Basically goes crazy because of the promotion of disgusting human babiiiiiiiiiies!
Here is his manifesto:
Apparently the guy was a squirrel in human form. It all makes sense.
When I was younger, my mom would buy a huge, huuuuge bag of peanuts and my brother and I would go outside to feed the squirrels. It was pretty awesome, the blue jays would swoop down right as the squirrel would be going after the peanut and the squirrel would be left feeling all defeated. But then we'd throw another one at it and it would be all happy.
It was all fun and games until one day some squirrels came in through the open garage door and sat himself in the pile of peanuts and started eating them all. To get him out was another chore. Then we just had to go and brag to all his little squirrely friends about the feast he had. I get back from school to find a hole chewed through the screen of the window of the garage door and peanuts shells all over the floor. Squirrels literally broke into my house, had a party and trashed the place, and then left. After that we never bought any more peanuts. Suck it squirrels.
That squirrel man was probably still angry about it, 10 years later.